All The World Seems In Tune On A Spring Afternoon When We're POOOOISONING PIGEONS IN THE PARK!

Today I skipped Fundamental Drawing. Why? Because I am an ASSHOLE. It's my favourite class and Ernesto totally validates my existence with comments like "Ees nat bad" and "Verry goode", and it was a late class starting at 10am, but as I said, I am an ASSHOLE. Also, I have some sort of flu or whatever.

The other day I finally got to see Yasmin again! We went to Pavilion as usual, and after some uneventful prom dress shopping (for her, obviously, as I have never and will never EVER be seen anywhere NEAR a prom) we went back to her house where she pressured me to watch Dear John, knowing well that I would completely annihilate the movie with my scathing sarcasm and witty uh... Wit, which I had forewarned her about... She still managed to force me to watch it with her.

It was horriffic. Her blog failed to mention how I recoiled in horror at the sex-in-the-barn scene (seriously, who the fuck DOES that shit?!) and how I cleverly called the involvement of cancer, foreshadowed violence, and of course the jealous best friend. NO "love" story would be complete without the jealous best friend, AND I called all this within five minutes of the start of the movie! I'm a fucking genius and shouldn't be subject to such torture, but there you have it. Yasmin kept squealing and going "Haaaaaaawwwwwww!!!!" and staring at me with enlarged pupils and at one point started hugging me but I knew she was channeling fake cinematic love energy.

Do NOT tell me that you have been away from your girlfriend for like ten million years and haven't fucked a Vietnamese prostitute. Or twenty. There is no way in HELL that stupid bitch with the big forehead did not see the relationship ending in tragedy, and what the FUCK was the significance of them meeting outside that coffee shop at the end? What, do they get back together? SO THE FUCK WHAT? GOD!

*shudders*

I swear. The things I do for her! I would NOT watch a love story for ANYONE but Yasmin. After a few days of thinking it over, I come to the conclusion that I have not enjoyed a single love story, and my favourite love song is about a tranny.

AAAAAANYWAY, all that aside... Not much has been going on as per usual. I think at one point I used to be funny, and then I kinda lost it and went all emo and there's really no point in anyone reading my blog anymore.

You can read Yasmin's blog HERE.

Soooo... Yeah. Oh. I'm going traveling with Aidan at the end of the year! He wants to go to Maldives, which is fine and dandy, but then we have to go to Bali. However I NEEEEED a girlfriend to go with! I can't go clubbing with my brother alone! That would be so totally lame! But yeah, we haven't even talked about it yet, Mom just came over to tell me he had plans, so we may as well go together. Nyee.

Now Playing: Poisoning Pigeons In The Park - Tom Lehrer. This song is pretty much the theme song of my life. But it's not against anyyyyy religion, to want to dispose of a pigeon!

We'll murder them allll in laughter and merriment, except for the ones we'll take home to experimentttt!!

You're too young to be developing a drug problem and early onset prostitution!

I've been going through a fuckin TIDAL wave of hideous luck lately. Ever accidentally rang someone while having extremely loud sex with someone else? Now I get to tick just one more horrid life experience off the official list of odious things to happen to you in your lifetime. I've already ticked off the "Swallow an insect while running with your mouth open" and "Pass out at a fast food restaurant in the middle of the night, alone" experiences.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) I still have "Tuck your skirt into the back of your panties by accident" to look forward to.

And to top it all off, Layne stepped on my mirror today and shattered it into a million pieces so I'm guessing I'm going to have positively loathsome luck for the rest of my life.

And do NOT say it's karma. If karma existed, there would be no need for the judiciary system that (most of) the world relies on to keep shit in order and such. WOULD THERE? People who believe in such flippant theories are fools and will get nowhere in life. "God will punish you!" If you're so certain of it, why do you feel the need to remind me? Or... Is it you that you are reminding? Assuring, maybe? You humans and your ostentatious faiths... Are your beliefs really that strong, or are they so solid just because you're afraid someone who makes sense will one day come around and attempt to knock that shit down?

Anyway, I'm not going to preach. If god existed, I'm sure he'd want people to stand up for themselves and not follow blindly, no matter what they believed. If I'm wrong, well fuck me. I'm already living a hell as it is.

Last Awesome Thing That Happened: I was at the gym yesterday on my elliptical machinemajig, when this dude just clear of the handlebars of my machine fell off his and started spazzing out and frothing at the mouth. I had a front row view! People rushed to his aid and I felt no need to interrupt my workout so... I didn't. Heh.

My Hideous Day.

Ok so here's a recap of my hideous day:

9am: Woke up from a barely-restful sleep to my phone alarm.

9.02am: Ripped some hair out, groaned and rolled out of bed and into the bathroom.

9.04am: Realized I had a terribly sore throat that no amount of toothpaste or lozenges could abate.

9.58am: Stormed into class and sat at an empty desk on a broken chair (I knew it was broken but it was the only chair available). Was immediately subjected to torture; assorted losers were already at their loser stations and readying selves for a day of loserdom by blasting Muse, whom are SO five years ago.

10.04am: Chair gave way. Attempted to save self by grabbing the edges of the table, but that gave way as well and I hit the ground on my ass, still gripping the table.

10.04:15am: Noticed everyone staring and screamed "FUCK MY LIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!". A nice classmate who is actually neither a nerd or a virgin asked if I was ok, but I got up and stormed out of the class.

10.05am: Realized I had no business outside the classroom, so I stormed back in. Everyone pretended nothing happened.

10.30am: Documented Betty's clothes for the day.

10.30am - 12.30pm: Egrieged around class doing nothing. Noted that skin was unbelievably dry. Retouched makeup and moisturized face.

12.30pm: MP3 battery died; left earphones in so nobody would disturb me. Played Pokemon on GameBoy Micro. Was defeated by my own (fictional) father at Verdanturf town; screamed some obscenities at nobody in particular.

12.30-3pm: Sat around in class doing nothing.

3pm-8pm: Egrieged around KL with Boob and Anissa. The rumoured sex shop at Tropicana mall exists, but their selection is limited and WAY too pricey. I get fancier stuff online.

8pm: Arrived home. Found out new vibrator STILL hasn't arrived. Stormed around in an erratic egregious fit of rage.

9pm: Showered. Brushed teeth and pulled out a huge chunk of my inner cheek. It was stained purple from all the blackcurrant lozenges I'd consumed.

Sooooo yeah that was my day. It was horrifying. Hopefully everyone else had an equally shit day.

Boreded.

I'm bored. I'm bored of my last few blog posts so I'm writing a new one so I don't have to look at the previous ones.

That is all.

My eyeballs hurt.

One thing I now know for sure is that no matter how much someone tells you you're their number one, you can never really be on their mind all the time. I don't believe in love and I don't believe in friendship -- I only believe in making do with what you have here and now. Your little elementary school best friends, where are they now? Where's your boyfriend from when you were fifteen, that you swore you would love forever and eventually marry? No matter how much you love someone, you will cheat on them and they will cheat on you, emotionally or physically. It's sad, but that's the way the world is. Learn to live with knowing you will never, ever be someone's number one or only one -- It's never gonna happen.

That said, I'm thinking of what to do on my long ass two or three month break while all my asshole classmates go on to their Photography semester that I thankfully have already done... I know I'm most likely gonna sit at home and smoke pot while watching Spongebob, but before I begin I could just start daydreaming. I want a vacation. That last vacation was a complete emotional drain and just made me hate everybody. I don't want to go alone, but I can't think of anyone else to go with! Unless I go with Layne, which will DEFINITELY end up horriffic and hideous to the MAX.

Speaking of which he started an argument with me last night about how I don't like this chick friend of his. He said he had a problem with it cos I didn't have a reason to dislike her, but he had a reason for not liking my friends because "they come into your house and throw weed in your face". I told him I was not a victim of anything; if I want to smoke up I very well will do so and I don't need his permission! I have a mind of my own. If I don't feel like it, I won't. Anyway, my reason for not liking her is she appears OUT OF NOWHERE, and starts living in his apartment along with his roommates, all ALL OF A SUDDEN he feels TERRIBLE for not seeing her for one night, and he's at her every beck and call just because her house got broken into, she needs help moving her shit, etcetera etcetera. I mean, how would he feel if I SUDDENLY moved some dude into my apartment; some dude I've NEVER spoken of but seem to get along very well with?

Anyway, that's said and done. I creeped him out by being extra nice instead of stomping around the house all night in an erratic egregious fit of rage, so whatever.

Uncle Zack will be here soon to pick me up for tea at my grandparents' place -- Whooooo. Break out the cases of beer and light yourself a cigar! IT'S A PARTY AT SHAH ALAM!

Betty.

I've finally found my Betty! Remember a few months ago I had this post describing the people in my life as Ugly Betty characters? And I said I didn't have a Betty? Well now I do! She even looks like Betty and is prone to erratic fits of egregious rage. Most of all she has a hideously mismatched wardrobe, with long patchwork skirts, thrift store tee shirts, Birkenstocks and Crocs, and the like. She's not fat, but she is definitely Betty, I'm sure of it. Whenever I am bothered I'd update Twitter on what she's wearing. Yesterday she wore a patchwork maxi skirt with lace trimming, a tee with some stupid slogan or other, and accessorized with a scuba diving watch and a ballerina charm bracelets. I think she was wearing cork Birkenstocks.

Hee. My life is complete! I would love to make her over, I have a feeling she has some potential as a half-decent looking person, but just doesn't know it or doesn't bother.

The party days are over.

I've been enrolled in four colleges, and I have actually attended three... The word "attended" being used in the loosest possible manner. Since my first college experience at HELP, until my current college experience today at Taylor's, I've studied a wide range of topics up close and personal -- Economics, Law, Psychology, and now, Graphic Design. If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: One person leaving a group can and will cause the entire group to separate.

I didn't actually leave Taylor's, but I did leave my intake because the dumbass that I am smoked and drank my way through my first semester and pretty much had an epic fail of a report card to show for it. In the 8 months or so I was with them, the Aces pretty much made life worthwhile. When I broke up with Layne and threw his bags out the door and locked it behind me, I called Didi, whom I'd only known for a couple months, crying hysterically wanting nothing but to hear his voice. He was at college that night working on an assignment I never even bothered to attempt, and I could hear the others in the background going "That was Anna? Was she... Crying?!"

Seven months after I met them I was finally comfortable enough around them to invite them into my home. Well, they invited themselves into my home. They were planning on invading Fabio's home but he shut them out, so Andy, Didi and Afiq came over and we had our first party and smokeup session. Afiq tried to make me kiss him, then proceeded to pass out. The next morning we had a field trip and we couldn't hardly walk so we skipped out to hang out by the buses while everyone else trekked through forests with DSLR cameras.

Occasionally Andy gets on my nerves, just about something or another. But we're just that kinda people -- Sometimes we just can't get along. Regardless, without Andy, many nights would have been spent moping around at home, instead of getting wasted and laughing my ass off at stupid shit with him.

Anyway, since I left their intake, they've kinda... Recruited some other girls into their little gang and now I hardly see them and it really hurts me. Most people wouldn't understand, but they just don't know how hard it is for me to open up to people.

It was three months before I hung out at lunch with them. Five months before I hung out with them outside of college. Seven months before I let them into my home, and ten months until I started hugging them and kissing them on the cheek and telling them I loved them.

I'm just not the sort of person who can go through all that in a day. It takes time, and to see all my time wasted like that just hurts. I want things to go back to the way they were, but I know I can't go back.

My classmates are losers, the Aces have moved on without me and I'm out of vodka. I'm guessing the party days are over.

SPENGBAB.

While Yasmin is off valliganting in London and having fun and other such business, I am sitting on my fat ass in my dingy little apartment, on my mattress on the floor in a corner of my dingy little bedroom, drawing my own version of Spengbab on Photoshop. Not bad for a first attempt! I was a bit hesitant to do my own Spengbab so I didn't break the mold of fat hairy Spengbabs doing formidable things such as smoking and murdering people. Maybe later on when I'm more comfortable drawing fat hairy ugly sponge-human things I'll mediate away from the norm and do something more creative! Anyway, here's my Spengbab!


I'm not sure why it turned out so small, but maybe you can click on it and see it in all its hi-res glory. Seriously though. CLICK ON IT.

PS: My apartment isn't really dingy. It's actually pretty nice, despite the lack of wall decor. But yeah. It's not really dingy.

My Life Is Here. Laterz!

Let me just say I am not impressed by the Mac labs in the Lakeside campus. Now Meth labs would be something to brag about!

So life has been totally uneventful lately. How very sad for me.

I ditched class this morning, it's just a lame Sejarah lecture so I doubt I missed much, then I totally overslept for my 1pm class with Mr Charles, but he let the class go after 20 minutes so I guess it's a good thing I didn't go. Hee.

I spent the afternoon making more rainbow cupcakes! I made them for Layne, because... Well, I made them for myself, but he likes to call me fat and remind me how morbidly obese I am, so I'm just saying they're for him but I'm definitely eating some. Nyeheheh.

God I am SO BORED and I have NOTHING to blog about! Oh, I can blog about some of my inside jokes that I have with myself, since nobody gets me most of the time and I don't have many friends. Yeah, I'm half delusional most of the time. Wait... Whatever.

Inside Joke With Self #1: This one time, I was on a plane, and I looked to my right and there was a sticker that said Life Jacket Under Seat and I thought it said "Michael Jackson Under Seat" and I laughed to myself but nobody finds it funny how it's such an according misreading, seeing how Michael Jackson is was an alleged child molester and all... Never mind.

Inside Joke With self #2: SPENGBAB. NOBODY (except maybe my Spongebob-hating cousin Alysha) understands why I find Spengbab so fucking hilarious. I don't understand how you can NOT find it hilarious! Look at how hideous he is!





Why are you not clutching your stomach in agonising laughter? It's FUNNY! He's HIDEOUS!

Inside Joke With Self #3: I misheard the lyrics to The Way I Are: "We can live without the perks just you and me" as "We can live with octopus just you and me" HOW IS THAT NOT FUNNY? Nobod else finds this funny either, apart from maybe Yasmin, who told me on Twitter she did find it funny, but I doubt she finds it as funny as I do.

Inside Joke With Self #4: I misheard the lyrics to By The Way: "Dani the girl is singing songs to me beneath the marquee, by the shore" as "Dani the girl is singing songs to me beneath the marquee, BULBASAUR!" and well I'm pretty sure nobody finds this funny either.

There is either something seriously wrong with me, or I just have a way awesomer sense of humour than most people I know. OH WELL!

Boob and Shamana have just invaded my house to eat my cupcakes and pizza, and drink my Coke and watch zombie movies. Awesome! Laterz!

GLITTER COCAINE!

Today was a long and uneventful day at college, apart from the fact that I totally saved my group's ass by using my powers in awesomeness to whip up a completely acceptable and not only that, AMAZING, proposal for our Malaysian Studies presentation. Which, by my call, will be titled Cultural Couture and will document the evolution of traditional Malaysian attire to suit the aesthetic trends and preferences of the modern Malaysian. Of course it will involve a fashion show and of course it will NOT involve PowerPoint in any way or manner.

You should be able to tell by now that I have a thing for fake mustaches.

Oh yeah! I cut 3 inches off my hair today. Been thinking about cutting it for a while and I've just really missed having shorter, thicker hair! So I did it. Hee. It was completely painless and I am happy to look the way I've always loved looking. Like this!


Layne took this picture of me almost two years ago. Come to think of it, where the hell has that top gone to, the one I'm wearing in the picture? I think one of his friends borrowed it last year for some drag queen part or whatever. Boys and their love for cross dressing... It is NOT just a boarding school thing after all!

Anyways, for all of you who have noticed the Jonas brothers have really big asses, bravo. I laughed the whole fifteen minutes drawing this last night. It shouldn't have taken that long, but I was too busy laughing. So yeah.
PS: I'm pretty sure Yasmin knows I miss her loads and I hate not knowing what goes on in her life but I won't see her for at least another three weeks! But yes, I do understand that she is stuck in KTJ and of course has other egregious friends to tend to. I love you Yasmin!

Glitter stickers and HACKSAWS.

So like WHAT DISTURBING THOUGHT-PROVOKING RANTING INFURIARIATING RACIST AND MALE-BASHING THING AM I GOING TO SAY TODAY?

Nothing. Hee.

I had college, which at best was a waste of time, although I did make the lives of my underachieving brain dead (at BEST) classmates a bit easier by suggesting to Mr Charles how to make our current assignment (a sort of mosaic montage thing of our faces, again) (2D Design involves a lot of out own faces this semester) a bit less tedious by... Well if I explained out of context it would be very confusing so I won't.

Then I went shopping with a New GayMarc Alvin, who is very nice and from Sabah and he encouraged me to buy lots of cute stickers and we both had fish and chips for lunch at Manhattan Fish Market, and they were like 20 bucks each for lunch, and he didn't find that expensive at all and I appreciate that because rich people make me feel better about being rich as well. Thanks to all the assholes who make me feel horrid for being better off than themselves!

And OH! Yesterday was an amazing day cos I finally mustered the courage to ask Ernesto for a female figure to draw, but he told me to choose something "impressive" and there weren't very many impressive females in the anatomy book he gave me, so he took a porny picture from his desk and stuck it on the wall for me to draw. This is the outcome! It's on a huge A0 paper, I don't know if those exist but it was twice the size of an A1, which would make it like sixteen A4 papers put together.


It's not complete yet; I would love to paint her if I ever got the courage to even TRY painting something, but I would definitely colour her in on Photoshop if I had the time. Which I don't. But I would love to. Hee.

So I'm sorry I've been blogging nonstop about my life as an artist and not my life as a bitchy friendless college student who smokes too much pot but I've been very much nothing but an artist lately! But indeed I will say something non-art related.

So I saw my Papa yesterday! We had lunch at Bangsar Village, it was so nice! I love talking to him about stuff and he always makes me feel accepted. He's more like a friend than a dad and he doesn't mind me smoking in front of him a bit! He told me that when I was younger I "did something bad to the ambassador of Spain, something lah, but I can't remember".

Ok that wasn't exactly non-art related (lol). Why aren't you loling? My Papa's name is Azhar and people call him Art. Ok now you lol! I demand you LOL!

Currently loving: Distressed denim and thin fabrics, Maksim Mrvica music (Wonderland especially cos it brings back memories of the Aces), losing weight seemingly effortlessly at the gym... And some other things.

Last thing that woke me up other than an alarm: A text from Fabio (:

Why I buy everything in pink although it is clearly unnecessary: So that Layne doesn't use my stuff... Or at least feels embarrassed for doing so :p

So like, I joined the gym. I'm not gonna bother elaborating other than I used to be addicted to jogging, which is why I quit, because missing even one day triggered major depression. The addiction is back. I was on the treadmill for at least two hours without stopping yesterday and I didn't even know it.

Someone sent me a rather ominous "Hey.." via text late last night while I was sleeping and right now I'm wondering what that meant. Of course, it could have just been a "Hey.." except there are no smilies and he normally uses smilies and I replied him this morning and he hasn't replied and now I'm feeling anxious cos he hasn't spoken to me or seen me in months and is now just randomly saying "Hey..". I am just waiting for either a lecture of some sort, or to be asked a favour. Or maybe he's heard I'm having a drinking and smoko session at my place tomorrow night and wants in, I don't know. Sigh. I hate this feeling! It feels as though I'm in trouble for some reason!

Anyways, I've been doing well in Ernesto's class! Finally did a large full figure anatomy drawing yesterday and I've been psyched cos Ernesto said it isn't bad at all! I mean the hand's a bit small and the entire face is screw up apart from the eyes, but other than that I AM MADE OF AWESOMENESS!


Nyahaha. OH! And my 2D Design pop art piece is FINALLY complete!



Not bad for someone who doesn't even like pop art ey ey ey? Hee.

I'm feeling rather tired and uninspired today, and I have my first session with the trainer in a couple hours... Sigh. I can't be bothered with the gym right now!

Last dramatic entrance: Bursting into class half an hour late, folder and bag swinging everywhere and falling apart, and taking a huge puff from my inhaler before regaining composure and sitting down.

Current problem: Heart is beating WAY too fast; ate a bowl of muesli and am STILL starving.

Bad day, but I killed two spiders.

I'm bored, so I'm gonna blog. Hee. It's this mentality that clogs up people's Twitter and Facebook feeds, but whatever.

I joined a gym today! I finally took the initiative to not be a fat fucking slob, and join a goddamn gym, pay hundreds for marginal weight loss and public humiliation in tight clothing amongst sweaty people, and lose some fucking WEIGHT! JYEAH!

Speaking of sweaty people, today has got to be the second shittiest Fundamental Drawing class ever. I finally was assumed worthy of crossing the frontier of full figure anatomy drawing, and I was so super proud, but half an hour through my drawing Ernesto told this sweaty, hairy JUNIOR to "fix" my drawing! He just hovered around me tapping on my paper with the end of his pencil going "This is wrong" and "This is too short" or whatever. As if I couldn't have figured any of that out myself! I mean, if Ernesto had done it, fine, but in WHAT world was this perspiring JUNIOR with tufts of hair poking out of his sweat-stained long sleeves in any way certified to tell ME what to do? I was getting increasingly annoyed by his incessant tapping and pointing so I threw my pencil down and stormed out of the room in a fit of erratic egregious rage. THE NERVE!!

I was so insulted I felt like crying. My sensitive artistic soul has yet again been crushed. It was my first day trying out something new too! Ernesto told me he wanted me to do this as my first assignment for an exhibition and he told me to make him proud. I am so confused! Does one tell another to make them proud because one believes the other has the capacity to make one proud, or because the other isn't making one proud? GAAHH!!

Anyway I just can't wait to meet up with my personal trainer tomorrow after college to work on a program and all that sorta bullshit. Knowing my luck it'll probably be super egregious and horrible and sweaty and I'll end up passing out within fifteen minutes of switching on a treadmill. Awesome.

In any case, I bought this cute pair of sneakers from Echo Park for the gym. I know I'm not supposed to be shopping, but I can't just turn up in old Converse! *shudders*


Currently hearing: Some Bowling For Soup Song.

Current problem: Layne wants me to go to his apartment more despite the fact that I feel completely uncomfortable in any environment in which I can't walk around in m underwear... Because he lives with people I hardly know.

Aquarium status: No fish have died since my pufferfish passed away about a month ago... It came from a crappy breeder anyways. One catfish is swimming upside down near the surface, which is unusual for catfish, but the other catfish is acting normal. Both have always swum upside down as far as I know.

Random: I can't believe it's only 10.30pm right now. It feels like 1am. I am friggin exhausted!

Fuck it's a fucking hot night tonight.

What's In My Bag Yo.

So today I'm doing an Audrey Kitching and posting a picture and description of random shit I carry around for mostly no reason at all. Here's the first installment of What's In My Cute Turquoise Bag!


Clockwise from the top is:

1. My cute lemur keychain with my blinged out key card and college ID. I actually like my ID picture, for once I don't look like a retard.

2. Turquoise Sally Hansen nail polish, for long boring days in college where all I really do is NOTHING.

3. Pink MP3 player from Kami!

4. Blue glitter leopard print wallet! It's adorable. I bought Yasmin one first but then I had to get myself the same one!

5. Bobbi Brown lip palette! I don't really use it... I just like having it in my bag.

6. Pink GameBoy Micro! Me and Aidan got Micros a couple weeks ago. He got me this pink one and I got him a red and gold Mario edition one!

7. Assorted pens and pencils - Because I am a design student.

8. Makeup! Powder and eyeshadow. You never know when you'll need a quick top-up!

9. More random makeup, and my cigarette case, also from Kami!

10. And lastly, my hormone pills. Not much to be said for them!

Having done this, I really don't see the appeal. I don't get why Audrey Kitching does it every couple weeks. Oh well! I guess my bag just isn't that exciting. Haha!

A bunch of ghey art pieces that I made. Hee.

Hi smexy readers! For some reason my Y key is malfunctioning so prepare for some mortifying typos!

Today I am selling some clothes on Facebook. Most of them are less than a few months old, but as some of you may have noticed my look has been changing frequently and drastically lately so any outgrown looks are up for sale at super cheap prices. Of course, I'm Anna Bites so everything on sale is amazing and more than half of it was snapped up within 45 minutes. Have a look anyways if you haven't already. HERE. Hot chicas who are helping a spoiled rich girl earn an honest pay on this lovely cloudy day are Shakira, Kami and Cindy!

So this week I am loving thin, distressed fabrics, zippers, floral designs and grungey prints. I am also loving super glue, because it is the best friend ANYONE can ever have when it comes to anything fashion and/or art related. Also DIY related, hee.

However, I am the sort of person Krazy Glue tries to warn with printing "point nozzle away from face and squeeze tube" on its labels because just yesterday I put my eye right to the nozzle hole and squeezed to see if anything would come out. I am definitely someone who, left alone with a tube of super glue for a sufficient amount of time (5-10 minutes), can and will glue my toe to my eyeball. Also, a week ago, I poked myself in the eye with a curling iron... While it was on. No kidding.

Anyway, I am very proud of myself lately on account of I have been handing in my assignments on time and not only that but each assignment was completed to my full satisfaction -- No half ass shit going on here! It does have its downsides; today we were given a very time-consuming assignment to complete within the week, to make two A1 sized pop-art-inspired pieces of our own faces. We could use any media we pleased, so I chose to make a collage but after almost an hour of cutting out tiny pieces just to make one A4 size picture, I gave up and decided to go all out grunge and just spray paint through some stencils.

People should really stop underestimating artists and our lifestyle. We really don't sit around smoking pot all day and piling dead skin flakes and nail clippings together and labeling it art. I don't condone that sort of behaviour at all! I don't believe in stupid shit like that. Lots of people think being an artist involves being fabulous and European... It doesn't. The artistic lifestyle is always tiring, often tragic and rarely involves smoking a long cigarette and being French. In fact, unless you've had your soul crushed by a legitimate critic, suffered manic depression due to your own shortcomings that nobody seems to notice AND ripped years of work from our walls in a tragic fit of artistic rage, I really wouldn't say you know art at all. You muses and photographers wouldn't understand. The only reason I love my course so much is I adore what I do. Just yesterday I braved a long winding stairwell filled with spiders for seven floors just to go to my Fundamental Drawing class. I had a cold and I carry with me a morbid fear of spiders, but I did it because I love what I do! I covered my eyes and whimpered the whole way, but at least nobody saw.

Here's a Bob Marley-inspired pop-art piece. My face was actually photocopied. As in I put my face on a photocopier copying surfacemajiggy and hit Enter.

This is the original photocopy with the outline drawn onto the plastic, cos half of you are like YEAH RIGHT SHE JUST MADE HERSELF LOOK HOTTER HURR HURR.



Here is a picture of my glitter skull that I stuck onto my Design portfolio!



And lastly, here is a sketch of Mars, the god of war that I did for Fundamental Drawing yesterday. Ernesto was horrid to me! He was all, "Jor construcshun ees nat bad but ju hev to werk on de deetales! Ju should be hundred perrsent better by now! Ju don' need me to tell ju anymorre!" Ugh the slightest critique from an art teacher can seriously make or break me. I'm sorry I let you down Ernesto! I'll do better next week!


And I would like to say a special thanks to Irena for calling me during class so that everyone could hear that my current ringtone is Burning Up - Jonas Brothers. Why? I'm not quite sure why. It's just me and Didi's song and lately I've been really missing him and showing him mad egregious love! Anyways, thanks lovie! Everyone laughed when my phone rang. It was so awesome.

Good God Jeezus And Buddha.

You guys want to know what the most bullshit piece of crap disgrace to the entire field of architecture is? THE TAYLORS LAKESIDE CAMPUS. It. Is. HIDEOUS. Wide ugly slabs of concrete in the middle of nowhere, beside a gaping hole in the ground filled with sludge. Sorry, that's the LAKE. Garish red lockers lining plain walls made the place look like a high school nightmare. A tiny carpark cordoned off with rusted corrugated metal sheets and unfinished [lack of] construction garnishes the view. It is navigable, at the very least, but do NOT get me started on the No Smoking bullshit and the dress code crap. GAH!

College today was a HARDCORE waste of time. Spent 45 minutes getting there thanks to the highly incompetent cab driver blasting atrocious Malay music from his speakers, 1.5 hours drawing an evil looking mustachioed guy wearing a scarf in Fundamental Drawing, then I guess Ernesto realized I was just not in the mood to draw dudes in scarves so he let me leave early. Wanted to meet up with Didi or Afiq or SOMEONE, cos it was only like, 10, but I had no credit and after egrieging around for a bit and being unable to locate a 7Eleven, I left. If smoking was permitted I'd have sat down and waited for someone I knew to pass by, BUT NO.

All in all today was a useless waste of time.

Current Problem: No Woman No Cry is NOT making me feel better, which is alarming.

I can't be bothered to type anymore. The lakeside campus has pretty much removed the remaining will to live I had within me.

Firearms For Fish.

Since yesterday's blog post was so boring and uninspired, I owe it to my (most likely nonexistant) readers to post something today. Let's seeeee... What happened today? Well I got locked out of my apartment for one. I know, my life must be pathetic for the highlight of the day to be getting locked out of my apartment, but I have a crazy fear of being locked out of my home! It's only ever happened once before and it wasn't even my fault cos I'd asked Jeffrey to feed my rats when I was gone from Melbourne, and when I got back he'd lost my key!

Anyways, I was at Asia Cafe with Layne and he had his key with him, and he went home, and only when I'd got home I realized I didn't have my key. So I had to go to Ridzuan and egriege around waiting for him to come downstairs to give me my key. I thought it'd be horrible what with all the black guys lurking around me like predatory sharks but Coletta (random chick at my party) was there and we sat down and talked about hair while she waited for her ride to church. Some of her friends came and sat down with us too and it was just really nice!

So since I really haven't much to say, I'll just state that this week I am loving faded rockstar tees, several types of leggings (black, jeans and lace) and sky high black heels or wedges. Unfortunately, leggings and wedges look horrible on me and I have yet gathered the courage to purchase a pair of either.

In other news, Sarah E is planning (hoping) to move to either my apartment block or the one next to it, and it would be seriously awesome to have someone to go shopping with, randomly go to AC with and just hang out with that lives nearby! I mean, Yasmin is my Someone, but I see her once a week at most and I've hardly seen her this month! It would just be really nice to have someone I already know move in nearby! Fingers crossed for Sarah!

Song Of The Week: D'yer Mak'er (No Mercy) - Led Zeppelin.

Last Lie: Told my gramparents I overheated in Langkawi and am not feeling well. Which is true, just not unwell enough to not see them for dinner tonight, but my holiday was mostly a horriffic experience and I really don't want to deal with people right now.

Current Hairstyle I Am Into: The tousled bedhead look. It's so awesome, I am totally going out to buy a curling iron just for this purpose!

What The Blog Post Title Is All About: Went to the pet store last week for fish food blocks and wanted to get an accessory for the fish tank. Layne convinced me to buy a big ugly cannon, and it looks so retardedly out of place in my aquarium!

I Rebel By The Book.

So like, I tried blogging about something else, but it got boring so I deleted it. Hee. So instead, here is a list of internal contradictions I have to face every day. Awesome!

1. I am extreeeeemely messy and disorganized, but when it comes to my personal self I am immaculate. Think about it. My apartment is a pig sty but I shower up to five times a day and not a hair is out of place on my head.

2. I can never stay in one place for long, but all the while I'm searching for a home. At most I live in a city for about three years, and then I up and leave to somewhere new without warning. Does it make sense to be constantly moving around, when all you want is somewhere you can call home?

3. I can't stand porn, sex scenes in movies and conversations involving sex, but my experience in that area is pretty explicit. I really don't need to go into the details.

4. I'm unpredictable, but at the same time most people can pretty much forecast my actions even before I think about doing it. You either know exactly what will happen next, or it'll come as a complete surprise.

5. I'm a free spirit, but everything I do is extremely calculated and technical. I write lists and equations and consider most possible outcomes before acting out erratically. I research everything to death before committing to something out of the blue. I over analyze people's actions and reactions before doing something completely unprecedented. Everything has to go exactly according to plan otherwise I get upset.

6. I know plenty of people and next to nothing about human relations. As above, I overanalyze and theorize everything. I have very concrete views on love (being in love with someone means never having to think about anyone else; never wanting anyone else even for a second) and friendship (and levels thereof: Acquaintances, outer circle, mid sector, inner circle and Someone), but none of my theories apply to a single one of the people I know. It's weird because you would THINK that being in love meant never even wanting to think of anyone else, but at the same time there's probably not a human in the history of mankind that hasn't thought of someone else no matter how in love they were... I think.

6i. Also, I only just learned that you should NEVER go on holiday with someone you don't like or know very well. Just... Period. Seriously. NEVER.

Anyway, that's pretty much it. I'm a really conflicted person and somehow I manage to make it through.

Oh! Here's a mini-list of Things That Went Wrong Since Layne House-Sat My Apartment:

1. TV cabinet is suffering hideous water damage.

2. Fish are very hungry.

3. Floor is sticky.

4. Kitchen is full of trash.

5. Clothes are not in laundry basket!

6. Soap bottle is leaking.

Yes, my apartment is a pig sty, but it's got to be dirty the way I like it!

Oh, and here's One Thing I Learned From My Vacation:

1. You can always, always, ALWAYS count on the virgin to fuck everything the fuck up.

And in case you were wondering, Yasmin Disney is my Someone (:

All About Vaginas.

Does everyone else enjoy hearing about other people's vaginas or something? Cos about 40% of the time I am listening to someone talk, they are talking to me about their sex life. Even worse, half of them are friggin virgins and their sex lives exist in their MINDS. It's disgusting! Oh, and then there are the virgins who pretend they're not virgins, but you can just tell because they're socially awkward, ugly, devoid of any sort of personality, lacking in the brain department... And so on and so forth.

I don't understand why people feel the NEED to talk to me about sex. Do I have TALK TO ME ABOUT BLOWJOBS tattooed on my face or something?! There are certain people who talk to me SOLELY for the purpose of telling me about their latest "conquest", and then in hushed tones ask, "Um, if we had sex like, three days before her period, she can't get pregnant right?".

Another thing. Why do they assume I know all about birth control and the female reproduction cycle? I mean, I DO know, because I prefer to research things before committing to anything long-term, but it's really not that difficult to find these out on the internet. Just for your information, the female menstrual cycle is typically 28 days long. The first day of the cycle is the first day of your period. The egg is released roundabouts Day 14-ish. If the egg is not fertilized, it will die within a few days, and menstruation will commence about 10 days later, thus beginning a new cycle. The female can only be impregnated on the days the egg is released, ie Days 14-17ish. APPROXIMATELY.

VERY INFORMATIVE RIGHT? Next time you need to ask me, I will redirect you to this page. I highly recommend you see your doctor for a more personalized account.

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me to buy or give them birth control pills, I would have enough to top up my phone.

But this isn't the worst of it. The worst of the worst is hearing about your ugly frenemy's ugly boyfriend or conquest. It is fucking REPULSIVE. I am all for hearing a sex secret every now and then, but I would really appreciate it if when I am imagining said secret being acted out, I am not retching in disgust because you and your partner are so goddamn ugly. I'm sorry, I'm shallow, but I KNOW none of you enjoy imagining ugly people having sex. Go ahead. Do it. Imagine a fat hairy balding sweaty man with a small penis having sex with a fat ugly woman with frizzy hair, buck teeth and cellulite thighs. DID YOU ENJOY THAT? You didn't? WHAT A SURPRISE!

Anyways, I'm done ranting.

Ok, I'm not. I want to rant more but if I were to go on about virgins talking about sex I would never be done and would miss my River Monsters piranha episode that will air in approximately 20 minutes. I hope you found this post highly informative.

PS: If you're not using birth control pills, FOR FUCK'S SAKE use a FUCKING CONDOM. Not because I give a shit that you get preggers or not, but because I AM SICK OF YOU ASKING ME FOR POSTINOR. It costs FIVE FUCKING BUCKS at a PHARMACY. GET IT YOURSELF. IDIOTS.

Cowboys.

Tadaaa! I'm blogging again. And since I'm gonna be beach-prone from Monday onwards to forever (Just kidding. I just don't know exactly when I'll be back, but I have to be back sooner or later!), I'm gonna blog now. Ladies and Germany, I present to you, AnnaRARR's Beach Checklist.

300 dollar sunblock: Because the doctor told me I had to.

One bikini and one bikini top: Either one can be patterned, but the other must be solid. Why? For the interchangeable look. You can't parade around the same beach, hotel and city for 4 days straight in the SAME bikini can you?!

Frayed denim shorts: Seriously, if you don't have a pair, you suck. Go cut up your jeans, unless you have 80 bucks to spend at Forever 21.

Another pair of shorts: Interchangeability again.

Big hat! For no other reason than THE COWBOY LOOK IS AWESOME. Paired with frayed denim shorts and a flowy cotton top.

Waterproof mascara: Just because you're getting in the water doesn't mean you have to look totally unfabulous.

Waterproof hairstyle: I know you're all like, wtf?! but HAVE FAITH BITCHES! Me and Aidan have patented hairstyles, but not only are they fashionable, they are also WATERPROOF. Because my hair is sprayed with hairspray, teased and sprayed again, it takes a pretty badass current to bring me down!

Plastic accessories: I know you're thinking wood goes more with the beach look, but NO wood is invincible to water and fungus. Ew.

And lastly, your phone in a Ziplock bag. Maybe two Ziploc bags. I'm kidding. (I am so totally serious, it keeps the sand and water off your precious baby!)

And without any further ado, here is a picture my new cowboy hat and cowboy scarf. And my face.


How To Sedate Me When In An Egregious Erratic Rage Tip #04: Play some old skool love ballads. Firehouse, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Guns N' Roses and Air Supply fit the bill.

OHJEEZUS.

Omaigawd! It's been friggin YEARS since I last updated. I finally got round to fixing Yasmin's blog design tonight, only to realize too late that it is FRIDAY NIGHT and I don't really have any plans so here I am blogging like a loon, with no friends.

That's not true. Andy actually called me a few minutes ago to ask if I wanted to smoke up, but I said no cos I have a checkup tomorrow cos of my hormones and crap. A checkup that involves a BLOOD TEST! *shudders*

Soooo what's been happening the past few weeks? I've been seeing Yasmin more or less every week, which is awesome cos I LOVE seeing her and can I just say one thing, she scoffed at me for "associating with ugly people; I don't associate with ugly people!" and let me just leave it at that because she does so associate with ugly people!

I started college again 3 weeks ago, my classmates are egregious to the MAX! Super duper losers, gah. There's only one guy in class who actually talks, and I may or may not be training him to be my GayMarc. Of course, since I'm a design student, I get loads of days off and finish class early and after my six week break, I am only just starting yet another break. Planning to go to Langkawi with Boob and Andy and a couple other people I don't really care for! YAAAAY. I haven't been on holiday for AGES!

I've been doing a couple of freelance projects too, recently I designed theatre posters for Uncle Zack's theatre group but I won't post them up cos they're hideous. Soon to start illustrating a kid's book Mam wants to write about her repulsive cats.

Soooooo yeah that's about it.

Ok, that's totally also a lie but there has been a lot of stuff going on lately that I shouldn't really mention on a blog, but HEEEE anyways (HAHA I nearly typed ANDYWAYS)... Yeah :D

Currently listening to: Crying - Aerosmith.

Last random thing purchased: Blue and pink My Little Pony.

Next tattoo: Two little frogs climbing up my leg, and I will call them Froggeo and Froguliet! Heee!

Current fear: NEEDLES NEEDLES NEEDLES! People wonder how someone with so many piercings can be afraid of needles... Well, I AM.

How To Sedate Me When In An Egregious Erratic Rage Tip #23: Put on a TV program that involves large fish, frogs or other amphibians hosted by a hot intelligent person.

I made this. For fun.

I've moved on and you, you've traded down.

The day I knew our friendship was in the early stages of the end was the day (well, night) she and I went for a swim in the community pool, and I dragged the deck chair up onto the platform supporting the pool slide, laughing and asking her to join me in riding it down. She said no. And that was when I knew it was over.

Five years ago.

I hope your flavorless, bland relationship with your new BFF flourishes to be as mundane and boring as you wish I were (:

PORK BUTTS AND TATERS!

I feel like I haven't blogged in ages! ...That's probably because I haven't blogged in ages. ONWARDS!

So I had an awesome day out in KL with Yasmin today! Going to Pavilion just reminded me of how much I am slumming it here in Subang. But oh well, you can't have it all. We had lunch at Pizza Hut and we're so alike that we didn't even have to order a half and half pizza! We both like beef pepperoni with CHEEZY LAVA CRUST NYUMMEH. We couldn't finish it. The obese staff at Pizza Hut were slow and incompetent and we ended up spending over and hour and a half there but it was fine cos we had plenty to talk about! We also saw Sarah briefly. Yay! She was with her parents and had managed to escape for a few minutes. She's taller and thinner than I remember! But then again the last time I saw her was like a million years ago back in high school. We're having a reunion soon with our friend Constance!

So back to Yasmin, whom as usual is having her myriad of boy troubles and is apparently "miserable". Haha I love how she gets so dramatic over these things! Her current crush looks like Earl from Cow and Chicken, and I did not just come up with that; I've been thinking it for about five years now and finally came out and said it. Haha!

I've made a mistake! The one on the left IS Flem! HAHAHA that's an even worse name that EARL!

We also discussed the differences between Local Stream and International Stream fashion (Locals tend to wear leggings as pants, like Sarah was doing today and Locals also wear polo shirts, which is something Internationals don't normally do. Also like Sarah was wearing today.) Sarah! You inspired this conversation!

Anyway I'm not gonna egriege about the day any further cos it would bore everyone because nobody gets us. People get us on a individual basis, but together we're super egregious, we're Marc and Amanda and we're Flem and Earl put together!

In other news Irena will be back in Malaysia in a couple days, but I'm not gonna bother her for a date until next week or something so that she can rest and see her other friends first. Hooray for being considerate!

Up Next: Photoshop Yasmin's nose onto my face.

Quotables From Today: "Yasminn!!! You're a MARC, why are you going for an EARL? Find yourself a Daniel!" and "It's just that my life is so interesting that people should feel like they want to eavesdrop, you know?"

Other Ugly Cartoons I Used To Love As A Kid: Angry Beavers, Ren And Stimpy, IM Weasel.

There was this one episode in IM Weasel where IR Babboon adopted this ugly baby, and he was like I ARE NAME YOU AFTER GRANDPA! and then he wrote "Grandpa" on the ugly baby's shirt. HAHA!



PS: I wore my new green eyeshadow today! I likey!

EDIT: God this post had a record-breaking number of typos! I fixed it finally :D

If You're Gonna Piss Me Off At Least Bother To Punctuate.

Ok you know what? My gramma is coming over with her maid in T-minus... 4 hours and 17 minutes, approximately, to clean my apartment because I am a SLOB. The only problem is there are cigarette butts all over the place, there is a rat loose somewhere within the depths of my closet (I managed to trap her in my room so it would be easier to catch her and release her outside later) and the entire apartment harbours random fungi and an array of questionable particles and stains. SO of course I am going to give it a preliminary clean before she arrives.

It is currently 4:20 am. Layne promised to come over and help me clean but he bailed on me at the last minute, and when I egrieged at him via text message all he could come up with was "Im sorry" and he didn't even bother to punctuate! Grarh!

The only entertaining thing about today was my texting session with Irena!

Her: My phone auto corrected Anna to bomb, maybe Byck ould be auto corrected to shell! Haha I'm so lame!

Me: (somewhere along the lines of "Haha", and then most likely changed the subject)

*three hours later*

Me: (sitting at Carl's Jr waiting for my takeaway order to arrive and going through texts from earlier) OMG babe I just got that bomb shell joke!

Seriously I am such a blonde lately. When I heard about the Haiti earthquake I was like "NOOOOO!! HAWAIII!!! Oh, it's not Hawaii. NOOOOOO!!! TAHITIII!!! Oh, it's not Tahiti. It's somewhere I've never heard of. Eh." *shrugs*

Most of you might not know this, but I tend to make a huge fool of myself around people I fancy. It's amazing. I could be giving the most kickass speech on like, world poverty or whatever, and you put an attractive person in the front row and I'll start raving about how men and fish can live together in perfect harmony. Seriously.

I would love to stay and blog about whatever random things have been amusing me recently but I now only have 4 hours and 5 minutes left until my gramma arrives, so I'm gonna get up, put on some shorts and start picking up trash or whatever it is this "cleaning" involves. Sigh.


PS: I has new hairz.

It's A Dirty Free-For-All ;)

Awww so I found some pics of me and the guys from last month. It feels like a lot longer than that cos I haven't seen them in ages, but it looked like we had some great times and I hope they go on (:

Didi posing at KLCC (:

I swear Didi takes the best pics of me. My ass looks good and my boobs look huge!

Me and Apiq taking a photograpy break!

I miss this ):

Times like these (: Apiq is wearing one of the Drunk Hats. There's a Santa hat, a Russian fur hat and two pairs of horns to wear when you're drunk!

A pretty crappy picture of me but still. Haha look at the broken cupboard and pile of trash behind me!

An AWESOME picture of Apiq! It's so grunge-glam!

Apiq passed out later that night (: It looks like blood stains on the wall but it's just nail polish from when me and Andy painted him after he'd passed out a few months back. I admit he looks like a drug addict.

Andy had passed out on the couch so me and Didi decided to do some night photography! Yeah we waited for the right moment - when Andy scratched his balls - to take this photo. And: It's SO rock to have a guitar in your apartment.

Girl Love!

I don't normally post two days in a row, but I just had to record that I noticed how fucking bitchy my last blog post is and while I still stand by my general statement, I'm sorry for being a complete bitch.

Actually I'm not sorry, I just wanted to say that I do realize how bitchy I'm being about this whole situation and no, I will not back down. HA! Fuck you ♥

So last night one lovely lady stopped by my blog because my dearest Marc had tweeted about it and left a link. I should advertise her blog on Twitter too! But before I forget THIS is her blog and this is ridiculous as I'm pretty shur there are only like 3.5 people who read this blog and they are all well aware of Yasmin's blog. WHATEVER.

My point is Irena now has a total girl crush on me and it's awesome because I was actually looking for a girl crush myself as guys were beginning to bore me and / or piss me off immensely. She's so sweet and also has a girl crush on my other girl crush, Yuki, whom I never told until like, last night, so this may or may not be weird for her but yeah, Yuki, in case you couldn't tell I had / have a crush on you. So we had this whole threesome tweetfest last night and it pretty much made my day because I was totally bored and lonely!

I'm hoping to see Yasmin this weekend, she's lost her mind and is now donating vintage Chanel bags and stuff in the name of charity, UGH god. When she sees the error of her ways she will be devastated!

In other news, Kami is alive and well. I thought she had no internet or whatever, but it seems she went back to Melaka for some time and just FORGOT TO TELL EVERYONE that she was dropping off the face of the EARTH! She is currently tweeting about her longing for a machine that "sucks out my uterus lining each month so I won't have to go through so much freakin agony!?!". You're disgusting Kamilla. I heart you.

Does anyone else love Lindsay Lohan? I think she's totally hot. MUCH hotter than Megan Fox. Who is a douche.

I adore her for her party girl attitude and that she doesn't try to be what everyone else wants her to be. Ok, so she went to rehab. Whatever. She's just hot, ok? Jeez.

Shitty Friends.

JEEZUS McFUCKING Christ. Internet's SO slow today! I'm trying to have an Ugly Betty marathon here! Ugh.

Anyways I completely forgot it was Thursday night and now I have no plans to scam drinks off dudes but whatever, Boob probably wouldn't wanna go out with me anyways and Andy is always up some girl's ass whom, might I say, would probably have no sexual interest in him so he's wasting his time. Apparently Andy's hosting a party for all the "hot" chicks he knows and I had to find out about it from Boob. EXCUSE me much?

Why is it the girl you guys hang out with, drink with and smoke with, the girl who puts up with your stupid whiny bullshit in the middle of the night, the girl who means it when she laughs at your jokes, is never the girl you wanna chill with? I mean, I know I'm one of the guys, but I'm not actually a dude and they are entitled to an Anna-free night. However, the minute they realize that there is no way in shit fuck HELL I would ever sleep with them, they disown me. It's not like the other skanks they go for would sleep with them either -- They're just leading them on.

So hey, why is it people like to abandon me? Fuck my friends. And it's not just Andy and Boob either. At least Didi had the decency to call me to tell me he missed me and he was sorry for not seeing me lately. I can appreciate that but the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves. You are pathetic and if you're reading this I would like you to know that we are no longer friends.

Most of the chicks they think are hot look like shit on a platter anyways. All with no boobs and no ass with generic hair and makeup; with no eye for fashion as such they can't find something flattering, so they go for something whorish instead.

Apparently I Gotta Get My Life In Order.

So it's been a few days since my last post which probably means I should blog again. Tchah! New sound effect. I'm not sure what it's for but it's kinda FUNKEH!

I went to KL today to see my mom, and it was nice! She got me this huge pink bag for my sewing machine (did I mention she got me a sewing machine for my birthday? The only smiley appropriate for the occasion is the Aidan-favoured -.-) that I had to carry around. Over lunch I told her how complicated and confusing human relations were and pondered if I should head back into my shell instead of climbing up the Taylor's social charts.

I have a confession to make - I'm listening to Avril Lavigne. I know, it's terrible, but today I feel about 15 years old so, yeah.

Oh! I got this cute pink organizer yesterday, too bad all I've got written down in it are Monday: Lunch with mam and Wednesday: Lunch with papa and Friday: Dinner with gramparents. It's strange because I am NOT a family-oriented person, it just so happens I'm seeing family members this week. Hold on. That's right. In the cab on the way home I scribbled down Bitch Acheivement: Sneered at ridiculously-dressed guard. ♥ ♥ That's right, he was telling me not to drink in the bookshop, which is retarded as I wasn't drinking, and there WAS no drink in my juice cup ANYWAYS. I was carrying around an EMPTY juice cup because I had FINISHED drinking said juice EARLIER, IN the bookstore. So TAKE THAT pompous but freakishly-dressed guard in feathery headwear!

So hey, apparently Yasmin is undergoing yet another boy-related meltdown. I wish I could help her grieve by throwing his old pair of boxers she's keeping into the trash and throwing nasi lemak on that to make sure she doesn't try to salvage it later, and then making her bed for her and lending her some bras, but I don't actually know what's wrong. My condolences anyway, Marc-y. I would say Marcy but you know, that's not very fabulous.

Anyways, this is my current Facebook profile picture. It's me being emo back in 2007. I know it says 2005, but that was before I remembered it was actually 2007. Jeez, chill people.



Extracts from my silver organiser back in 2008:

April 23, Friday: Verdict: Don't pick up chinks.

June 1, Sunday: *Boob's fencing majiggy!* X
*Tree planting thingy* 1pm-4pm X
- Nando's burger meal, 2 samosas, 1 apple. 1 cigarette.
He was special to me but then again "special" is just another word for "retarded".

Back page: Plastic surgery! Cos you're ugly and you know it.

PS: Checked my results last night online, I think the portal was malfunctioning cos all it said was Photography, and then a huge block of space, and an 0 in the middle. Instead of going fuck I'm kinda smiling and amused at my own retardation. Who fails PHOTOGRAPHY?! This can't be right, I actually submitted work this time.

Some People Have It All.

Why do I have to suck so bad? I think it's pitiful that I tend to substitute material goods for real, healthy relationships with people. The most obvious example of this is when I had just broken up with Layne, and within 6 weeks had purchased about five or six very expensive vibrators online. Why the hell would I need more than two?!

Today I had lunch / dinner with Layne (I can never tell because I wake up at 4 or 5pm, and eat at 6) and we bumped into Boob with Anissa and Shamana at Carl's Jr. I really think I've been replaced by Anissa, which in my opinion is horrible as Boob has only known her for all of six months and me for six fucking years. Then again, I'm sure she has qualities that I can only dream of having. She's probably not a bitch, not clingy and not a total asshole. I mean, I know I'm dysfunctional, but why the fuck would you ever give up a friend who buys you clothes and jewelry just to show that they care about you?

Right after that I went and bought two tank tops and two cute necklaces to make up for the harrowing realization that Nobody In The World Loves Me Anymore.

In short, relationships with humans baffle me. It was stupid of me to think I should reinvent myself after my breakup with Layne, and start hanging out with people more often. Now I remember why I never bothered making friends in the first place! Why get a boyfriend when you can have 7 vibrators? Or 8 or however many it is I own? Why have a best friend when you can have expensive handbags and sequin stilettos?

I guess that some people don't mean shit when they say Forever.

Edit: In other news, at least Yasmin still loves me. And I appreciate that so much right now (:

Breakups and Parties, and Sometimes Growing Up.

Oh my Jeffree. Layne finally left! He's beginning to smother me, I think I'll have to remind him again that we are not going out. Jeez. Why can't breaking up with people be as easy as it was in high school? All you needed was text messaging or MSN and you never need to see them ever again. Noooo. Nowadays breakups gotta be all complicated, complete with crying for weeks and changing your mind and rebounding and falling in love with a one night stand and everyone sleeping with their classmates and drinking too much and taking up a bad habit and eventually not knowing the line between Together and Not Together.

Fuck.

Aaaaanyways the party was a complete fucking success! I'm so happy that so many people came but it was awesome, although my THREE TOP BOYS Afiq, Andy and Didi didn't show up. I mean, Andy was busy being Chinese and whatnot, but Afiq and Didi had NO reason to not come! Wait I think Afiq had to pick his grandma up or something but come on, seriously? Jeeeeez boys. Still, it was awesome to see Yasmin and god she's so pretty, I hate her so much for being so pretty, when I grow up I'm gonna get a nose job then I can be pretty like her. Oh, and lipo too. Maybe by the time I've grown up they'll have invented knee surgery so I can be taller.

I'm not gonna elaborate because it was SUCH a long night and so many cool things happened. Boob's boyfriend isn't so bad after all, and Inthe spilled his drink on Kami (on purpose we think), Layne and Uzbek punched some dude in the face several times for stealing Aidan's iPod and Bob AKA DJ Fuego (scream) played our favourite songs and I think some of my ex KTJ friends were not impressed by my choice of cheap, non-classy alcohol but hey, I never fit in with the glamorous KL crowd anyways.

Oh yeah.

Apparently I'm 20 years old now. Jeezus I'm old. Fuck. Shitbitch. However, I've got a long way to go until I'll acknowlege myself as an adult. I think a person is only an adult when they start buying "artwork" and "framed pictures" instead of "Jake Gyllenhaal posters". Speaking of which, this is my favourite one.

You really have to enlarge it to fully enjoy its smexiness.

Food Wrappers On My Floor Right Now: Cheese Dips, MEGA Sausage McMuffin, "Small" bag of M&Ms (it's fucking huge), Lychee Pop and Berries Pop. All in the last 24 hours people.

Awesomest present: Kami's pink MP3 player! Ok it wasn't really a present since she used it before and stuff, but I love it. And the leopard print cigarette case! Yay!

Tonight: Hitting up the totally unglamorous city of Sunway with mah main man Boob!

This Week Sometime: I'm gonna set up a smoko session with the boys. It's been too long!