The party days are over.

I've been enrolled in four colleges, and I have actually attended three... The word "attended" being used in the loosest possible manner. Since my first college experience at HELP, until my current college experience today at Taylor's, I've studied a wide range of topics up close and personal -- Economics, Law, Psychology, and now, Graphic Design. If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: One person leaving a group can and will cause the entire group to separate.

I didn't actually leave Taylor's, but I did leave my intake because the dumbass that I am smoked and drank my way through my first semester and pretty much had an epic fail of a report card to show for it. In the 8 months or so I was with them, the Aces pretty much made life worthwhile. When I broke up with Layne and threw his bags out the door and locked it behind me, I called Didi, whom I'd only known for a couple months, crying hysterically wanting nothing but to hear his voice. He was at college that night working on an assignment I never even bothered to attempt, and I could hear the others in the background going "That was Anna? Was she... Crying?!"

Seven months after I met them I was finally comfortable enough around them to invite them into my home. Well, they invited themselves into my home. They were planning on invading Fabio's home but he shut them out, so Andy, Didi and Afiq came over and we had our first party and smokeup session. Afiq tried to make me kiss him, then proceeded to pass out. The next morning we had a field trip and we couldn't hardly walk so we skipped out to hang out by the buses while everyone else trekked through forests with DSLR cameras.

Occasionally Andy gets on my nerves, just about something or another. But we're just that kinda people -- Sometimes we just can't get along. Regardless, without Andy, many nights would have been spent moping around at home, instead of getting wasted and laughing my ass off at stupid shit with him.

Anyway, since I left their intake, they've kinda... Recruited some other girls into their little gang and now I hardly see them and it really hurts me. Most people wouldn't understand, but they just don't know how hard it is for me to open up to people.

It was three months before I hung out at lunch with them. Five months before I hung out with them outside of college. Seven months before I let them into my home, and ten months until I started hugging them and kissing them on the cheek and telling them I loved them.

I'm just not the sort of person who can go through all that in a day. It takes time, and to see all my time wasted like that just hurts. I want things to go back to the way they were, but I know I can't go back.

My classmates are losers, the Aces have moved on without me and I'm out of vodka. I'm guessing the party days are over.